A friend just posted this on Facebook:
How to identify the passive voice in your writing: If you can insert "by zombies" after the verb, you have passive voice.
She was killed (by zombies).
Zombies killed (by zombies) her.
John Watson was confused (by zombies).
Sherlock Holmes solved (by zombies) the case. (Solved the case by zombies?)
"The brain, when it is disembodied from the heart, turns vicious." --Madeleine L'Engle
I had a dream last night that I had my dogs from my childhood back. I was staying in a house with two or three other girls who didn't like them there, but put up with them because I wouldn't be there long. I was trying to pack up my things, actually (which, in typical dream fashion, involved me putting something down and having it vaporize or move itself somewhere else the minute I turned my back). At some point, I realized my dogs weren't there, and hadn't been there for awhile. I asked my roommate where they were. She said she's put them outside two days ago, and didn't understand why I was upset. I told her it was unkind to leave dogs outside all night, that they needed to be around people, that she should have told me where they were. I went to get the dogs and they thought I had died.
And then I woke up and I had to go cuddle George, one of the two dogs I live with. I hardly ever have dreams that have actual people (or dogs) that I know in them. Usually the people in my dreams are entirely imaginary. I don't really cope well with dreams with familiar people (or dogs) in them.
No, barista, I didn't actually forget to say that I wanted my coffee iced. You just forgot to hear it.
One of the oppositional talking points that Republicans trotted out during the Obamacare debate was that the government shouldn't get involved in health care because health care decisions should be kept between doctors and their patients (I still remember part of Jon Stewart's rebuttal to this talking point when John McCain brought it up: "He thinks uninsured people have doctors?!").
Which I totally agree with. So what's the government doing trying to get between obstetricians and their patients' uteruses? Why do I have to convince a politician in Arkansas that I was actually raped before I can go to my doctor to do something about it? Why does my doctor have to explain to my governor that if I don't have this medical procedure that unfortunately involves taking a fetus out of my uterus, then I'll die?*
*disclaimer: I haven't been raped and I'm not pregnant, I've just been listening to Rachel Maddow and it makes me a crankypants.
In no particular order:
-Reno in the off season. I think it was January or February. Cold, pale sky. The various lights weren't lit up. The only people around were homeless folks and retirees mindlessly playing slots. Nobody seemed to be having fun.
-A 24 hour bar in New Orleans at 7:00am. Yes, there were people drinking.
Clearly, I spend way more time thinking about updating than I do actually updating. I should make some sort of new year's resolution or something.
The job is going okay, I think. I had a run in with my boss two weeks in. I worked over my scheduled time, which I've done at other jobs and not had it been a problem, but apparently it's a problem at this one. Now I know. But my boss tried to get me to backdate my timesheet so that the extra hour or so I worked just disappeared into the aether, and then we got into something of a fight when I pointed out to her that that was illegal. At this job, anyone can get fired within 30 days if it doesn't seem to be working out, so I've been sort of paranoid ever since that I pissed her off enough that she's going to let me go at my 30 day review, which I haven't had yet even though I've worked there for 6 weeks. It's probably a mark of how much of a fish out of water I've felt over the past two years that I no longer even have confidence in my ability to shelve books without pissing people off. However, I'm hoping (and I think I'm right, and that my insecurities are just eating at me, and not telling me anything substantive) that she's the sort of boss that, if I was totally failing and in danger of being fired, she's let me know. She has either sent me emails or talked to me in person about a couple of minor things (like one day when she thought from a distance that I was wearing jeans, and that I needed to be reminded of the dress code; even after she got up close to me and realized they were corduroys), so I hope there's nothing major lurking behind minor stuff like that. On the other hand, the kid who got hired at the same time as me, K, got fired for reasons that I, of course, am not allowed to know (I suspect he left town for Christmas instead of working or getting his shift covered, but I'm not sure). So that's just another layer of uncertainty and unease--knowing that they can, and do, let people go within the first 30 days. But then again, if they wanted to fire me, surely they'd just do it, and not wait until my review? And I know that my review got sent to HR for THEM to review, so if she wanted to fire me, my boss would have to come up with at least a semi-legitimate excuse…and looking at the form, I think she has to be complementary on at least three of the four criteria. Also, I had my 30-day shelving test already, and did perfectly. No errors. So she might be holding a grudge from the first two weeks, and she might slam me for being late sometimes (getting to work at 7:30am is hard when you ride your bike and it's cold and you keep getting flats), but I always make up my time so I work what I'm scheduled, and I don't lie on my timesheet, either in my favor or in the district's. So I just don't know. I need to just relax and shut my brain up. She was talking today about the staff meeting on the 23rd, and about altering my schedule that day so I can attend it, which she wouldn't be doing if she was going to fire me. Shut up, anxiety brain. Shut up shut up shut up.
I'm living in a house right now with my friends W and R and their two dogs, George and Maggie….Maggie is actually half-asleep with her head on my stomach right now. It's pretty great. Except for the part where I just remembered I meant to get my book from way over there across the room…I'm still trying to find a second job so that I can earn enough money to move out of their place. This is not a long term situation that I can stay in, much as I love living with dogs again. They're better than anti-depressants. And George is big enough to use as a pillow.
My bike ride to work is long, but nice. That'll be another entry. I need to get new, tougher tires--my route is along a river and the goat head thorns are fierce--and bike shoes.
Nothing on the love life front. There's a guy that I've been thinking about asking if he wants to enter into a FWB situation, but realistically, I won't ask. Because I'm a big coward. It's pathetic but I'm pretty much resigned to being single forever. All of the things that I told myself about being single before I had a boyfriend don't apply anymore. I'm too fucked up to put myself out there for anybody.